The last few months, one of our kids has been super engaged vegetable gardening with me. I’m trying to play it cool, but inside I’m so excited whenever this happens. I’m probably going to get a little too exuberant, and my kids have a way of seeing through me! Gardening and growing with the kids goes in waves. It’ll be great while it lasts, and it’s ok if it fades a little and comes back in another form, later.

For the next few minutes, though, I’m going to write out advice based on my experience, knowing that with a 16, 14 and 10 year old, I have ideas to share but our story is by no means complete. Take what is helpful and ignore whatever is not! And if you don’t have kids, I hope you can still find something useful for the stage of life you’re in.

Change your context and what is normal in your family.

One of the main reasons we moved to this plot of land back in 2015 was to remove ourselves and our kids from some aspects of capitalism, to the extent that is even possible. At the same time, we didn’t want them to be judgemental or unable to function with people who lived differently from us. We just wanted to change what was normal.

There was so much we didn’t know we didn’t know. If you pull on one thread, it unravels things in ways that you can’t predict. I didn’t quit my off-farm job until we had lived here 7+ years, so change was very gradual.

You may not be able to move to a vacant plot of land, but if you can change the baseline context of your life in some way, that will inevitably help your children grow food. The fact that I was planting trees and creating vegetable gardens made that normal, even though our lives and personalities did not immediately allow for long sessions gardening together.

Slow down enough to engage your kids, and don’t try to teach what you don’t yet know

If you are in a rush to be productive, or if you are anxious, your kids will pick that up. If you are overstretched and stressed, your kids will pick that up.

Whatever work you do on yourself, to slow down and calm down, also benefits your kids. Don’t try to be perfect or create an idyllic image to live up to. There is no such thing.

Don’t force your kids to be labour, or force participation

Nothing turns kids off more than coercion. Particularly when your kids are young, allow them to do what is enjoyable to them and don’t force them to love things they don’t.

Do more of whatever your kids like to do- here’s a list of fun stuff! Ok, well, stuff I think is fun.

• Caring for almost any animals (where they have responsibility but you are ultimately overseeing care until they are competent. So you can’t have so many animals that your expectations of your kids are not age appropriate)

• For young kids through around 11— Worm sorting- removing worms from worm compost!

• Planting seeds in trays or directly.

• Harvesting— particularly peas, potatoes, tomatoes, but also most things.

• Trellising and pruning— in brief spurts, at a particular time, and for a clear purpose.

• Weeding— in brief spurts, at a regular time, for a particular purpose (we weed to give weeds to the guinea pigs each morning)

• Milking goats (yes, you need suburban dairy goats).

• Doing things alongside you if you’re happy and relaxed.

• Getting competent at cooking one or two dishes every year.

There are many, many things kids enjoy doing if they have time and energy. I’m proud that we have never forced or coerced our kids into particular activities. We aren’t trying to indoctrinate our or imply our lives are better than any others. We’re just finding our way with our kids, and it’s a dance where we make mistakes and recover, and make more mistakes, again and again.

Remember that if you’re getting better at growing, your kids will, too

Kids absorb what is important to us, and they grow with us. So the energy you put into understanding your space, your community and your needs will translate into support for your kids. You don’t need to formalise this for it to happen by osmosis.

If they show interest in something, give them age-appropriate responsibilities and space to experiment.

Don’t throw your kids into the deep end the moment they want to grow a potato. Build their competency gradually, and give them proper, serious responsibilities so that they can test their abilities. Small, consistent support and growth is better than a massive project that requires huge inputs.

Make sure that you’re not too busy growing to do fun things with your kids

The one truth about growing food, especially vegetables, is that it takes a lot of time. Add to that the time it takes to grow community, to prepare food from scratch, etc, and we are always in danger of neglecting your kids’ needs in favour of our image of what an idyllic day looks like.

Within reason, our kids should not miss out on things they love because we’re so busy or so financially stretched by our choices. Of course, this is a dance and not something that can be decided once for all time. We do have set periods after meals when we do farm chores, and those feel natural because they are followed by periods of rest, things we enjoy, and adventures. Having set times when we are not available for meetings is super important, because those are the stretches of times where we can be together, which is the whole point.

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